Yes, that is right we have managed to take the plunge yet again! Somehow this second one is WAY more shocking than the first! You would think that I would have been more prepared seeing as how we have been thru this once but in fact I was actually more terrified than ever!!!
Before I knew I was pregnant with #2 I told myself that on this pregnancy I was going to wait SO long to tell everyone, heck I might even be showing before people found out! BLAH-HA-HA that lasted 1.2 seconds! I also had envisioned me taking my HPT and keeping it from Tex for the day in order to plan a perfect scene when he got home of balloons and Palmer running to the door with his big brother shirt on as I captured the precious moment on video. Can I get a second BLAH-HA-HA?
So, here is how it went down.... THE REAL WAY.... I have never been a patient one when it comes to HPT and testing... If I owned stock in EPT/Clear Blue Easy, etc... I would be a millionaire. I think sometimes it was my second hobby to just take a test "just to see". So, I had knowningly taken a few pregnancy tests WAY to early that were all negative. Just in case anyone is confused NO you can not get a positive the day after you try for a baby :)
Although I had several negatives I kept on having dreams of being pregnant. Crazy dreams that only crazy pregnant women have! I shared this with a few friends who thought there was still a chance. Well, fast forward to Saturday morning 7:00 am, I am downstairs in the kitchen warming Palmers bottle for the morning and I thought heck I have a good 30 seconds to spare why not take my 15th test, who's counting anyways. So, I proceeded to take the test, negative again! So I get his bottle and just for the heck of it pick up the test to throw it away and look again. Ok, now I am thinking I have really lost it because I am staring at this test so hard that there appears to be a faint, faint positive line.
I immediately dash upstairs where I proceed to stick my gross pregnancy test all tainted with urine in Tex's face and urge him to wake up and assure me that my vision was blurred. He kindly woke up took 2 looks at the test and assured me that line was so faint it meant "maybe" and fell back asleep! Are you serious? :) So, I gave him Palmer and the bottle and headed to Walgreen to buy more. As I took the second one and looked the same faint line showed up! This was no coincidence I was pregnant!
I then had to pretend my world hadn't changed in 3 minutes and had to get dressed and have two Saturday appointments at work!! What a bummer! By 10 that morning I think 50% of my friends knew, Tex's mom and who knows maybe some of the neighbors. By the end of that day most everyone knew but one of the most important people, my mom! Yikes what was she going to say? I knew she would be excited but I knew this was also so hard for her to be away for Palmer and here I was going and throwing another one onto the guilt train, what was I thinking?
So, Sunday we shopped and shopped until we FINALLY found a big brother shirt. Mind you it was a 4T (were the people at Babies R Us telling me I should have waited until Palmer was older?) So off we go to the mall food court, of all places to surprise my mom and Aunt Janet. So, we get Palmer all dressed in his over size big brother shirt and prepare him to walk out of the elevator to the food court. Mom and Aunt Janet immediately see him and Aunt Janet( the veteran Mii that she is...) notices his shirt right away. My mom on the other hand continues to stare and look between Palmer, Me, Tex and Aunt Janet about 3 times until she started crying and jumping up and down! It was great!!! I was so upset that the first time we had to tell her over the phone so it was great to see her reaction in person this time!
This is all very sudden and I don't think we were prepared for how quickly it happened but what a miracle! God has given me another chance to be a mom, how can you not be humbled by that? He picked me again to raise another child! I have to admit fear had taken over me for a few days. All of the what if's, all of the, can we pay for this?, and oh shoot I never lost that last 5 pounds ran thru my head continuously.
I didn't get excited until I went to my AA meeting on Monday and confided in my sponsor that I was pregnant. I thought she would be dissapointed because my timing wasn't right because I am going thru a huge process right now, etc... but she just looked at me and said, "See, See what God has done... He has given you a chance to carry life again and He has put you here with us in your life and this is exactly where HE wants you to be and exactly what HE wants you to be doing."
Also, I loved what Jamie said to me, she just told me plain and simple that "It wasn't just me who decided if I became pregnant" How great is that!
And here I was thinking that I had all of the control and yet again I find out that I don't have any at all! This is what is meant to be so I have decided to embrace it and enjoy this pregnancy with everything I have because I am now going to have two miracles to love and to make me laugh each day! What a blessing!
I am really early but I think I will be due around the end of Feb or very first of March! I will keep you all updated on the progress. My first dr appt is July 10th and I think that will hopefully ease my mind. I would love to have an ultrasound early, there is nothing like seeing or hearing the beating heart of a child growing in your belly to relieve your worries and remind you of what a miracle this is!
Thanks for all of the support I have the greatest friends and family a girl can ask for! I love you all so much!
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