Working Momma

I am doing a late link up at Kellys Korner. She is doing a Show Us Your Life - Working Moms... I hesitated to do this post because honestly I struggle with it so much! In all honesty my working causes probably 95% of all my "mom guilt". I realize that I do this to myself! I can remember when Palmer went to school for the first time I would sit at work those first few weeks and literally torture myself by adding up the hours that he was at "school" compared to the hours he was with me. The hours weren't in my favor and this caused me to go into my crazy mode thinking of how by me working this was going to effect him for the rest of his life in negative ways!

Palmer on his very first day of school 2007

Fast forward 4 1/2 years and I am not as irrational but I still have an inner emotional struggle with feeling like an inadequate mom for working. As a little girl I always wanted to be a mom and being a mom meant to me that I would stay at home because that is what my mom did and that was really the only way I knew. Well, God had other plans and right now staying home is not an option for our family as much as some days I wish it could be and I have to be ok with that and not beat myself up for having to work. Am I jealous of stay at home moms? Absolutely, most of the time. Do I think I have it harder than they do? No, not necessarily because I know that staying at home is a 100% full time job and to be honest I don't know if I would even be good at it. I think it is easy for me to make excuses sometimes and say things like "Well, if I stayed at home.... I would make homemade valentines and big breakfasts in the mornings and would have wonderful from scratch dinners made every night. The laundry would always be done, we would have a daily craft time, I would be in 5 mops groups, etc... haha Sometimes what I thought I would be like isn't always the reality of what I am. As I learn more about myself I highly doubt that it would matter if I worked 75 hours a week or stayed at home... I probably am never going to have all of my laundry done, or make from scratch dinners or be the most creative mom. It just might not be the mom that I am?

Palmer and Annie on their first day of school together 2009

I think there are a lot of misconceptions when we become moms. A lot of false pressure that we put on ourselves. What I thought or wanted to be like as a mom and what I am as a mom are different but I have come to realize that is not always a bad thing. I am not a perfect, eat your veggies, house is organized, lunches are packed, I don't forget anything kind of mom :) I am however, a real mom and I NEVER forget to hug my kids when I pick them up and ask them how their days were. We are the family that sits down together to eat every night even though we are eating hot dogs and mac-n-cheese and not  a healthy from scratch meal. I am a human mom that forgets pj day at school and does Walmart bought Valentines Cards but I do it with love and we do it together :) There are days when I think the grass would be greener if I could just stay home and it might be... but for right now I have to learn to embrace and own the fact that I am a working mom and I can be good at both, darn it :) Sometimes as a mom, wife, employee, etc.. I feel pulled in a million directions and I feel like sometimes I am only giving 5 different areas20% of myself and really wanting to be able to give one area 100% of myself, but that's life. That probably wouldn't change if I didn't work. In the end it's my attitude and outlook that are going to bring me down or bring me thru this. If I have an "I can" attitude life seems to truck a long easier. That doesn't mean that I love every single thing, every single day, it just means that I take what I am given with a positive attitude and vow not to be perfect but just to do better. I love that, we have to give ourselves a break and not expect that we can do everything, all of the time.

I am preaching to myself more than I am to the choir :) I can let myself have a pity party pretty quick if I don't keep things in perspective. I think as long as I keep my priorities straight and always make time for God, Family and then my job things will always seem to work out!

Well, I feel better! ha! For all of you working moms or stay at home moms we are all doing a great job and at the end of the day when our children go to bed feeling loved and safe that is all we can really ask for !