Dear Chandler

Dear Chandler,

 I am well overdue for your first birthday post. This first birthday was more bittersweet for me because there was a part of me that wanted you to not turn one, stay my baby, not take those first steps... only because you are my baby and you have completed our family and I wanted to soak in all of your little rolls on your legs and your baby fresh smell and even waking up in the middle of the night to feed you a bottle, I wanted to love all of it and let me tell you, I did even more than I could have imagined!

When I found out I was pregnant we had just moved cities, changed careers, basically started over. The timing was maybe a little off but how can you really say that when God blessed me to become a mom for the third time. The pregnancy was physically and mentally more challenging and there were many nights that I worried about how everything was going to work out. Could we afford it, could we manage it, is this going to be ok? From the minute I saw your precious face at 8 am August 16th of 2012 all of my fears, worries, hesitations were instantly replaced by a full heart, a love so big it can't be put into words and at that moment I knew everything would be fine, more than fine, it would be perfect. Despite the financial obligations of having more children, despite our crazy schedules, despite working full time... this dear Chandler was what God had planned for us way before we ever knew where life would lead us.

I cried so hard on the eve of your birthday and told your daddy that I can honestly say since you had been born this had been hands down the happiest year of my life. You completed our family and you completed me in a way that I never thought possible. I don't know if it is age that has brought us to a more content place in our lives or the fact that all of the valleys we had to trudge to get here have made us appreciate where we are... whatever it may be I can say without a doubt this is the most content I have ever been in my life not having to constantly think "what's next" or looking back and thinking I wish I could have changed the past.

The past brought me you, the past brought me your daddy and your brother and sister and it has brought me more happiness than I could have ever imagined.

This life that I have been given has truly amazed me. Sometimes I think, how did I get here, how did I get so lucky? Has it been hard? Absolutely Has it been worth it? One hundred times over!

You my dear Chandler have brought ALL of us joy. Your brother and sister are literally over the moon in love with you. Your smile lights up a room and your baby hugs can melt a grown mans heart. You are LOVED, loved by so many amazing people, people that will continue to watch you grow and shape the amazing little person and young woman you will become.

 

You are happy! I am talking happy like nobody's business happy. I often get told "I don't ever think I have seen her cry" You are going thru a mommy phase currently where you don't particularly like to be put down. That's ok, I will gladly hold you because I know it won't be long till you will be telling me "no" and wanting to do everything yourself :)

You have allowed me to become a better mom. A mom that doesn't take late night feedings for granted, a mom that doesn't wish each stage will hurry up so we can get to the next one, a mom that for the first time has literally been able to be in the moment and just purely enjoy. Enjoy you, enjoy watching you and your brother and sister, enjoy watching your daddy grasps that he now has two daughters that will some day give him fits and sleepless nights!

I have loved this year, I have loved where our family is at in our lives.  You dear Chandler have brought insurmountable joy to us all. You are walking and saying mama and dada, you want SO badly to say Molly (our dog) because you love her and annoy her every day but she LOVES you. Wherever you are at in the house that is where Molly will be.

Awe, your sister... she is crazy about you! In the last few weeks I have caught you in her room and peak in to see you playing together and I can only imagine and wish for that sisterly bond to grow and become something beautiful. Late nights of staying up talking about life and boys, fighting over clothes, imitating and wanting to do everything she does, getting on her nerves but in the end knowing that when you feel like you have no one to talk to you can ALWAYS call your sister and she will be there. Sisters are awesome! Even when you fight and don't like each other, remember your sister will always be there for you like no one else! She is the vault that keeps your secrets, your dreams, your fears.. she is the person you can't fool with a fake smile because she has known you all of your life. She is the person you will go to at the hardest moments of your life and at the happiest moments of your life! She is your forever friend.

 

I can't forget about your bubby... he has been amazed and has loved you from the minute you came into this world. Both of your faces literally light up when you see each other and you already go over to him and tackle him with a bear hug and he giggles and you do the same. He will protect you and love you with all of his heart. You and your sister will be the reason he will grow up and know how to treat girls with respect and love. He may not ever get your and your sisters silly girly ways but he will always love knowing that he has two beautiful sisters to take care of him.

 

Then your daddy... oh, your daddy! He is in so deep with you two girls! I don't think it has hit him that he has two daughters, that is a scary thing for a dad. Your daddy is one of the best people I know in every way. His love for you is unconditional and he is the most non judgemental person I have ever met. I know there will be times that you will go to him before me for talks. That is ok I know he will do everything in his power to guide you and love you anyway that he can. He will want to protect you even when he doesn't have a clue how... but you will always feel safe with him because he will always make you feel like the most beautiful, special, incredible girl that ever walked the earth!

 

Dear Chandler, thank you... thank you for this year, thank you for allowing me to be your mom, thank you for bringing a love and happiness into our house that makes each day a little brighter. I can't wait to see what the future holds for you, I know it is going to hold wonderful things!

 

We love you with every ounce of our being! Happy first birthday Dear Chandler, we made it and you did too :)