Thursday, June 16, 2011

Damn you Target!

I had one of these days today! The ones that start bad at 6 am and finish bad around 9 pm! The kind where mommy wants to lay down in the parking lot and throw a fit but I can't cause oh yeah, I am THE mom! The kind of day where you start saying things that you swore you would never say as a mommy for instance "Guys, mommy is about at her wits end, do you know what that means? (Head nods from the back seat) "It means mommy is about to go PSYCHO!" May I preface this by saying this was only after my brilliant idea to "run" into target with two not so good mood kiddos to pick up a birthday present for a 4 year old.

Ok I dont have much experience buying other kids birthday presents but let me tell you it sucks! Your kids are cranky, they want everything you are pointing out for the birthday child, they have no concept that just because it is small doesn't mean that it doesn't cost $99.99! So after a hell-acious battle of transformers vs. Cars 2 toys we finally settle on a Transformer that I had to use every bit of sales experience that I have learned over the last 7 years convincing my 4 year old that it was SO cool and the birthday kid would totally LOVE it just so we could get the heck out of target!

Fast forward to the check out lane, my favorite! Ann Mason insists that she wants a sun drop like a man in the dessert needs water! So like any good mom I open one up to stop the incessant screaming and embarrassment. That is until she spills the entire thing on the checkout girls conveyor belt. "Clean up on aisle 7" So after that embarrassing moment I am rushing to get out of the store and into the car. I am by far threatening everything fun that we have ever planned to do in their whole lives and we are finally driving down the road and I don't have my wallet!

You know those really huge mommy wallets that have like everything you have ever saved over the last 6 months including and not excluding receipts, social security cards, checks from your boss, debit/credit cards, license, gift card, phone numbers, you name it! So as I am trying to meet my 39 week pregnant girlfriend at the park I am literally going "psycho" as promised!

To make a long story short I dump one of my children (the lessor of the two evils at this point) off on the 39 week preggers in the 98 degree weather and head back to Target to stalk, harass and look under each car in the entire aisle that I parked in, to no avail! Defeated, frustrated and severely angry I call my husband. Why not? Because you know how we do, it is totally his fault for not being here that I lost my wallet! I mean if he was here I would have much more sense and sophistication and never have had my 2 year old spilling sun drop all over target and fighting with a 4 year old hence the fact that I would never have been so distracted that I would have forgotten my wallet!

He does what any good man would do and calmly asks "Babe, it's ok do you know where you left it?" AGHHH! With this statement I hang up it is best for the both of us that I cut all ties of communication at this point. Do guys get it? No, I don;'t know where the heck I left it, if I did, I would be on that and have my wallet back in my pretty little purse! I rejoin my poor pregger friend that I see lifting my 40 pound son onto monkey bars and want to die and let her know that in fact we were not successful in the search!

After 3 meltdowns, one body slam to the ground (by the child himself) and one fall accompanied by a scraped knee I take the cue and head to the car. At this point I decided to once again call target and ask have they found the pretty little lime green wallet that contains my life? Alas, they said yes!!!!

I drive 100 to Target just in case they happen to mistakenly give my wallet to someone else. At this point we all had calmed down, talked about making tomorrow a new day and did our cheer where we put our hands together and yell "Go Templeton's"! That is all we can do right? We can't pass the test everyday?

And yes, I did call my husband to let him know that I had a moment of insanity and yes, I realize that he had nothing to do with me losing my wallet when he is 140 miles away and that I loved him dearly!

And yes again, I called my preggo friend who is thankfully one of my oldest and dearest friends to say sorry for the insanity that I could not even try to fake with a smile. She laughed and said her day would come as she is about to have #2!

As I sit here tonight with both kids asleep finally getting some "me" time, this makes me smile. Not at the laughing point yet but I will get there. My life is chaos as I am sure every ones is with kids or at least I hope or I just choose to read the blogs where all the other moms act like fools like me! :) This is life, this is what we do! Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day!

No comments: