Tuesday, May 22, 2012

My 5 Year Old Boy!

It's so hard to believe that 5 years ago I was just getting out of recovery and holding my son for the first time. His tiny 5 pd 14 oz body filled our hearts and lives immediately. I can remember it like it was yesterday but at the same time I look back and it seems like a lifetime ago. I look at how happy I was but I also see a face of someone who had no idea what being a mother was going to be like! Being a mom for the first time rocked me to the core, it changed my life, my priorities, it was challenging (to say the least), it was rewarding, it filled me with guilt and love all at the same time. I messed up (A LOT) and I did a lot of things right but the best thing I did was love this child with my whole heart.

Palmer came a day late and was this tiny perfect little person.  6 days in the hospital, 1 blood transfusion and a lot of tears later we finally got to come home with our precious gift!

He has been filling our hearts with his witty and loving personality every day since. This kid gave us a run for our money when he was little! From colic to reflux and everything in between he taught us really quickly the importance of patience.  
He has taught us unconditional love. He is the most loving, gentle child with a heart of gold. He loves big and he loves without boundaries. He is emotional and sensitive to things and people around him and things that hurt others also hurt him. He has loved his sister since the minute he laid eyes on her and hasn't stopped yet (even when she is mean!). I truly can't wait to watch him become a big brother again to Chandler. Those girls are very lucky to have an older brother like Palmer!

He taught us that every child is so very different and different is not bad. Palmer has grown leaps and bounds even over the last year. I think for a while he struggled with how to react to his strong emotions. His little body just couldn't handle how much he felt and it caused him some anxiety. Today he pretty much handles every situation bravely! He is social and LOVES his friends and family more than anything in the world! He is content and happy and enjoys everything he does!
There is nothing that makes him happier than having his "whole" family together! He doesn't even like when Tex or I  take just him somewhere he wants the "whole" family to go :) That melts my heart. We are a whole family the four of us soon to be five and I know one day he will be busy with friends, sports, etc.. and I will always remember the times we spent as a "whole" family, they are always the best!

Palmer and I have had an amazing bond since the moment he was born. I have always said "we just get each other" we are both a little complicated, emotional and we love hard. We are buddies! He is mine and I am his and we like it that way. He still holds my hand when we walk and even if he wipes off my kisses I know he secretly loves them :)

I am so thankful to be Palmer's mommy every day. He is given me a gift I didn't even know I was missing. He has helped me grow up and define who I am and who I want to be. He has given me the strength to make difficult decisions in my life because at the center of those decisions were what is best for him and if I follow that guideline it can never fail me and hasn't yet.

Palmer, happy 5th Birthday Buddy! May you always love freely and be yourself always because you are an amazing boy! Daddy, Ann Mason and I are lucky that you are part of our "whole" family! We love you to the moon and back!

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